News Desk |
Call it care or perfectionism, parents want the best for their children. And in the process of making that happen, they can tend to over-parent their kids. Whether you can’t stand the thought of your child making a mistake on his homework, or you fear your child won’t make good decisions when you’re looking over his shoulder, it can be hard to give your child freedom if you’re a bit of a control freak. While it’s not healthy to be a pushover parent, being a control freak is equally problematic.
Why being a control freak can have negative consequences on children
Micromanaging your child’s activities not only coddles them into long-term dependence, but also leaves the following footprints in your child’s upbringing:
- Children can get exhausted trying to please us
Parents who insist on having a high degree of control over their children often get them involved in many structured activities. From karate lessons to soccer practice, they believe their kids are gaining a competitive edge.
But a 2011 study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that enrolling kids in extracurricular activities did not make them happier, healthier, or more successful. So, rushing from one activity to the next may be exhausting your child—and draining your bank account—for no real reason.
- There won’t be natural consequences
If it’s cold outside and you make your 14-year-old put on a jacket, he won’t learn what happens when he doesn’t wear one. If you always step to prevent an argument between children, they won’t learn how to resolve issues on their own.
Allow your children to face natural consequences when it’s safe to do so. That means you’ll have to tolerate watching your child make mistakes or do things that you wouldn’t do. Giving up control can be difficult when you’re not used to letting go.
- You will hamper creativity
People who want everything to be under control send the message, “There’s only one right way to do this, and that’s my way.” Even though there are many ways to solve a single problem, if you’re a control freak, you’ll discourage any type of creativity.
Remind yourself that your child may have a different way to solve a problem, and it may not necessarily be wrong. Almost every problem has multiple solutions. Be willing to allow your child to explore, learn, and make repeated attempts to solve a problem before you jump in and tell him “how to do it right.”
- Kids can mirror your anxiety
Most people behave like control freaks because they feel anxious when they feel as though they aren’t in control. They think, “If I don’t keep everything under control, something bad will happen.” Kids are perceptive, however, and they’ll pick up on your anxiety quickly, even if it’s never spoken of out loud.
Nervous parents have nervous kids. So, it’s important to recognize how your anxiety may get in the way of healthy parenting. Instead of constantly thinking about all the bad things that could happen, work on giving your child the freedom to be a kid.
- Kids fear mistakes
If you’re constantly monitoring your child’s every move, he’s likely going to fear making a mistake. And unfortunately, mistakes can be a great teaching tool and they can help kids learn how to deal with failure.
But if you’re reluctant to give up enough control that your child will be able to make a mistake, he’ll likely think that mistakes are bad, and he may try to cover up any mistakes that he does make.
Teach your child that mistakes are okay. Also, talk about the importance of accepting responsibility for his behavior and show him that everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
- Mental health problems may arise and increase
Children who have controlling parents are at a higher risk for certain mental health problems. Depression and anxiety can result when parents demand obedience and children don’t have the freedom to express themselves.
A 2013 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychologyalso found that kids with intrusive parents lack effective coping skills. They struggle to deal with anxiety and stress into adulthood.
Why should you let go of the need to control?
If you find yourself trying to control everything, ask yourself what’s more important—the mess that is going to be left by your child playing with glue, or his overall mental health?
Letting go sometimes and allowing your child the freedom to play can be good not just for him, but also for you. Take steps to raise a mentally strong child who is prepared to face life’s challenges on his own.